you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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