why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
