hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
