Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
