so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
