Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
