So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
