The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
