dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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