i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
