I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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