I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
