Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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