Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
