She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
