if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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