i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
