The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
