uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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