What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
