Your tits are I can't wait for
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
