How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
