If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
