We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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