Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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