Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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