It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
