His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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