you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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