very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
