naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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