bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
