can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
