i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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