If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
