I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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