Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
