We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
