Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
