If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
