Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
