we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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