Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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