Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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