at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
