Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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