Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
