weddingsv make me drug and hornr
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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