If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
