You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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