i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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