Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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