Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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