Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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