i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
