i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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