Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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