My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
even my farts smell like vagina
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
