Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
