I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
