Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
