Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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