i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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