Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
