It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
