eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize