My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
