i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The best revenge is premature balding
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
