Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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