i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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