she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
