How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
