maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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