Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
