I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
