I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
