Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
its liver damage thursday
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
