I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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