I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
