Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
