note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
